Somebody hates me.

Somehow, throughout this, I maintain absolute certainty that I'm supposed to marry RogueHistorian. But I'm really not sure I'm supposed to do it in May.

The wedding has moved. Again. Back to May 17th. If we can get it again. Why? Let me see if I can get the salient facts in sequence.

• RH's brother, when we were inquiring as to alternate dates for this fiasco, somehow failed to inform us that he'll pretty much be working on his senior project 24/7 for the entire month before reading week. And here we thought we only had to worry about screwing up his presentation. Dammit, how'm I supposed to problem solve if people won't give me all the parameters?
  
• RH's parents and brother want to take a gamble that the graduation ceremony itself will be at the same time it's been for the past couple years (this won't be actually be announced until August) and plan to drive directly from there to the airport to stumble off a plane in Tucson Saturday night, and attend a fairly late wedding rehearsal.
  
• To me, this sounds like a recipe for disaster. It's a timeline so tight it's begging something to go wrong. But my mother (who is my reality check) believes that if something does go wrong and they can't make the rehearsal, they may make the rehearsal dinner, and the world won't end if they miss either. She also thinks we can find some large enough lighted space for the rehearsal, because it will probably be dark by then. I'm not sure I want a rehearsal dinner at this point. It's going to be closer to bedtime than dinnertime and if things are going so badly that we're missing people, I doubt I'm going to feel like eating. Though I suppose I shouldn't spoil it for everyone else. Our people flying in from out of town have to eat, somehow.
  
• If, in August, we find out that the graduation will actually be on Saturday, we'll use the courtyard at my parents' church as a fall-back venue. Depending on how much money we lose in terms of deposit on our venue. I'm not quite sure how this works, since changing the venue doesn't change the date. I don't think my brother can make the 18th (fly back Monday, wash clothes and pack Tuesday, drive to Rites on Wednesday? Seriously pushing it). If we wait two weeks, till the 31st, it's already likely to be hot even at 10AM.
  
• If, in August, we suddenly need to book some other venue, most of our fair-weather options will probably be booked already. Which means we'll probably end up being married in an air-conditioned box. Maybe we can find a box that's less box-like.
  
• We're going to have the ceremony at 6:30 PM and keep the reception in the Temple of Music and Art Courtyard, which we'd discussed for the 3rd, and possibly rent or borrow fans in case it's unusually warm that day. It should be pleasant after the sun sets.

I should feel better. We have a plan. I don't. I feel like vomiting. Why?

• We can't guarantee a block of hotel rooms until August, so I don't know if people are going to be able to find rooms (the U of A's graduation is the 17th).
  
• We can't book a caterer until August.
  
• We can't book the honeymoon until August.
  
• We can't book the band until August.
  
• (We can't book anything else, either, but these are all supposed to be booked in this timeframe).
  
• And most of all, at this point, I just don't feel like this is it. I don't feel like it's going to work. I feel like we're waiting for the other shoe to drop. October keeps coming up. Not from anybody who knows me. In my hindbrain. From women who work in bridal shops, who go to write down our wedding date and ask, "When in October?" It's like this whole disaster just exudes an ending in October. And I do not want to wait five extra months to marry RH because RH's brother is a mechanical engineer!

We'll ask the venue about changing the date back on Monday, when the guy who handles these things gets back from vacation. I'm supposed to make up a list of questions for the venue. I'll do it. It's the rational thing to do. But I can't summon any enthusiasm for it. This afternoon, I was so excited thinking about luminarias and hanging lanterns to obscure a sign and gosh, maybe ordering the bits and pieces which are supposed to come together into a cake topper. Technically, there's no reason I can't. I just don't want to, because I'm convinced it's all going to fall apart at the next reasonable opportunity.

I bought myself a serving of low-calorie chocolate cake to celebrate. And now I don't feel like celebrating. I feel positively ill.

I can't ride this roller coaster too many more times. If everything falls apart again when we till RH's brother okay, it's the 17th, we may just have to get married on a cruise ship. Abducted by aliens. Whatever. Because I don't know that I'm going to have the heart to plan a wedding in a box on nine months' notice.

Don't book any plane tickets yet, okay?