Dreams

I had an awful dream a couple of weeks ago. I was at a doctor's office. Pete was with me. The doctor proceeded to read off test results and tell me all the things that were wrong with me. Among other things, my ovaries weren't functioning. It took me awhile to wake up enough to understand that it had been a dream, and these things weren't really so.

I mentioned this to Pete. He looked thoughtful and told me that he'd had a dream where I was being forced to marry someone else. Probably the result of our just having watched A Midsummer Night's Dream, just like mine was probably the result of having been discussing medical things at work just previously.

Of course, the solution to these dreams is to run off to Vegas and then get pregnant. Except that then, we'd have bad dreams about balancing the checkbook. ;)

A couple days ago, I noticed frown lines in my face for the first time. I mean, technically, I had my first wrinkles when I was fifteen--but that's the under-the-eye thing that's really genetic. Sometime in the last year, I noticed little lines at the corners of my mouth. I told a number of people, "The only lines in my face are laugh lines." But now I see the hint of a crease at the corners of my eyes, and worse . . . the dreaded frown lines, faint but present, between my eyebrows. I don't know why they're dreaded. They're the exact same ones my mother had by the time I was old enough to notice these things. Perhaps only because the solution to laugh lines is to laugh more--that way, no one will notice. I certainly don't want to frown more.

I have never feared age. What I fear is things undone. Like the children. It's one more reason that waiting is so hard.