On Weddings
Some horrifying figures: The national average cost of a wedding is $27,690. The average for a wedding in Tucson is $25,200. My spreadsheets for potential wedding venues right now (which are all pessimistic estimates) all come in around $7,000-$7,500. And I'm having angst about spending that much on a wedding when we could probably spend $2200 and have something we're perfectly happy with. To my mind, the wedding we're planning is going to be moderately big and formal. What's wrong with this picture?
Married? Have friends who are? Any idea what real people are paying for this dog and pony show? Comments welcome.
So. More stress about wedding venues. Our first choice venue had told us to call back in the middle of April. Turns out, they had a scheduling difficulty. Now they're saying call back 6/1. Since venues tend to book a year out, our backups will have begun filling by then. (I called a friend who works there in some entirely unrelated capacity and asked him to ask around to see what the change in date is about. This resulted in an understanding that we can actually call in the middle of May, and an explanation that their hands are tied by the city (it's a City of Tucson building, although it's managed by another entity), so they really can't wiggle around that.
In an effort to knock myself out of my rut about wedding venues, I went through for the heck of it and planned the wedding RogueHistorian and I would be doing if it was strictly on our own dime. Of course, it would mean shifting from a planned evening to a 10AM timeslot (both are in hopes of avoiding the heat of the day). I'm not sure how viable that is.
And, since it came up for budget weddings, How do you suppose people feel about chairs at weddings? Some interesting options open up if it's 10AM and standing (with a few chairs for those who need them). Likewise, if it's morning-midday, a more casual reception begins to make sense. Which begs the question of whether tables are important. On the one hand, there's the whole dropping food in one's lap thing. On the other, we might be able to shanghai a friend's carport and yard and have a bunch of us bring our patio chairs over the day before. If that's an okay setup, we might have quite a pleasant time treating it as a party, where you might stand or sit around the edges in the shade during the heat of the day.
And then there's dancing. We'd planned to do without, because of the small reception venue adjacent to our desired ceremony venue. But when a friend mentioned a local Irish band that does a half-hour basic instruction on Irish country dances (some kind of set dancing I can't remember the name of), I started to think that would be so much more entertaining than a "cocktail hour" or the obligatory sitting and waiting while everybody goes through the reception line and any pictures that weren't taken beforehand happen. And I don't necessarily just mean if we go with an Irish band. RogueHistorian's talked about jazz or blues as well, and it might be worth checking to see it someplace in town that teaches swing dancing or something else appropriate would do 30-60 minutes of, "anybody who's interested, pop out onto the dance floor and we'll see what we can teach you."
This is when I realized I have no idea how much people expect or don't expect dancing at a reception, and whether there will be boredom or grumping over not having any. RH and I don't know how to dance. I would like to. He fears lack of coordination. In any case, if there is dancing, we'll be expected to do that first dance thing, and a few dancing lessons will be in order.
I asked RH about formal vs. informal (I've done this before), and his opinion and mine kind of seem to mesh: We like the theory of the formal wedding, but there's some serious sticker shock involved.
Even if we went with our original venue, but did 10AM, we'd end up with different expectations regarding the reception. We might be able to do that desert buffet we'd talked about, once, and then meet for a pay-it-yourself luncheon at some restaurant in the early afternoon.
I guess the other thing that brings this up is my poking at housing in Tucson after RH is done with his classes. He may end up getting some job on the other side of the country, but I figured I had to start someplace. His plan A (there's a plan B, C, and D, too) is to see if he can find some group interested enough in what he wants to do his thesis on to get a grant to do the research. If he could do that, we could probably realistically expect to be in Tucson for the next five years. Entry-level homes these days seem to be mainly condos and the occasional townhouse if you want air conditioning (as opposed to swamp cooling), and for something that's not a hole and has washer/dryer or hookups, we're looking at $100k-$130k. I crunched $130k with a $5000 downpayment in somebody's mortgage calculator and came up with a figure that's about as high as we want to go.
It makes you think about whether $5000 is enough, and where it's going to come from.
Never mind that the figure I've already got for doing a reasonably formal wedding and reception dinner is 1/3-1/4 of the national average. What I *don't* want is to be six months married and find that we're wishing we'd managed to horde a little more, rather than spend it on a celebration.
I'm so confused. I think because either thing would make me happy, but finding a median seems to be difficult. Suggestions? Comments? Do you like to dance? Hate it? Object to standing for a 20-30 minute ceremony?
Married? Have friends who are? Any idea what real people are paying for this dog and pony show? Comments welcome.
So. More stress about wedding venues. Our first choice venue had told us to call back in the middle of April. Turns out, they had a scheduling difficulty. Now they're saying call back 6/1. Since venues tend to book a year out, our backups will have begun filling by then. (I called a friend who works there in some entirely unrelated capacity and asked him to ask around to see what the change in date is about. This resulted in an understanding that we can actually call in the middle of May, and an explanation that their hands are tied by the city (it's a City of Tucson building, although it's managed by another entity), so they really can't wiggle around that.
In an effort to knock myself out of my rut about wedding venues, I went through for the heck of it and planned the wedding RogueHistorian and I would be doing if it was strictly on our own dime. Of course, it would mean shifting from a planned evening to a 10AM timeslot (both are in hopes of avoiding the heat of the day). I'm not sure how viable that is.
And, since it came up for budget weddings, How do you suppose people feel about chairs at weddings? Some interesting options open up if it's 10AM and standing (with a few chairs for those who need them). Likewise, if it's morning-midday, a more casual reception begins to make sense. Which begs the question of whether tables are important. On the one hand, there's the whole dropping food in one's lap thing. On the other, we might be able to shanghai a friend's carport and yard and have a bunch of us bring our patio chairs over the day before. If that's an okay setup, we might have quite a pleasant time treating it as a party, where you might stand or sit around the edges in the shade during the heat of the day.
And then there's dancing. We'd planned to do without, because of the small reception venue adjacent to our desired ceremony venue. But when a friend mentioned a local Irish band that does a half-hour basic instruction on Irish country dances (some kind of set dancing I can't remember the name of), I started to think that would be so much more entertaining than a "cocktail hour" or the obligatory sitting and waiting while everybody goes through the reception line and any pictures that weren't taken beforehand happen. And I don't necessarily just mean if we go with an Irish band. RogueHistorian's talked about jazz or blues as well, and it might be worth checking to see it someplace in town that teaches swing dancing or something else appropriate would do 30-60 minutes of, "anybody who's interested, pop out onto the dance floor and we'll see what we can teach you."
This is when I realized I have no idea how much people expect or don't expect dancing at a reception, and whether there will be boredom or grumping over not having any. RH and I don't know how to dance. I would like to. He fears lack of coordination. In any case, if there is dancing, we'll be expected to do that first dance thing, and a few dancing lessons will be in order.
I asked RH about formal vs. informal (I've done this before), and his opinion and mine kind of seem to mesh: We like the theory of the formal wedding, but there's some serious sticker shock involved.
Even if we went with our original venue, but did 10AM, we'd end up with different expectations regarding the reception. We might be able to do that desert buffet we'd talked about, once, and then meet for a pay-it-yourself luncheon at some restaurant in the early afternoon.
I guess the other thing that brings this up is my poking at housing in Tucson after RH is done with his classes. He may end up getting some job on the other side of the country, but I figured I had to start someplace. His plan A (there's a plan B, C, and D, too) is to see if he can find some group interested enough in what he wants to do his thesis on to get a grant to do the research. If he could do that, we could probably realistically expect to be in Tucson for the next five years. Entry-level homes these days seem to be mainly condos and the occasional townhouse if you want air conditioning (as opposed to swamp cooling), and for something that's not a hole and has washer/dryer or hookups, we're looking at $100k-$130k. I crunched $130k with a $5000 downpayment in somebody's mortgage calculator and came up with a figure that's about as high as we want to go.
It makes you think about whether $5000 is enough, and where it's going to come from.
Never mind that the figure I've already got for doing a reasonably formal wedding and reception dinner is 1/3-1/4 of the national average. What I *don't* want is to be six months married and find that we're wishing we'd managed to horde a little more, rather than spend it on a celebration.
I'm so confused. I think because either thing would make me happy, but finding a median seems to be difficult. Suggestions? Comments? Do you like to dance? Hate it? Object to standing for a 20-30 minute ceremony?
posted by Journey | 6:15 PM
4 Comments:
Hey Journey... I've seen all kinds of styles of weddings. Mainly as a musician in the wedding-industrial-complex. But also as a guest. One of the most charming was in Paonia CO, at a farm that backed up to the mountain. They used an old barn that was open at one side to stage the food and to set up the cajun band. They rented tents and tables. I think a friend owned the farm. (they did not have chairs for the ceremony which was up the hill a bit from the barn. But they did for the reception.
My best friend was married in his in-laws neighbor's back yard. The the reception was at the in-laws' house next door. (these are real nice $1.5M houses with great yards.) But it was cheap. They rented chairs and tables I think, but thats it. (And I didn't charge anything to perform the ceremony.) On the other hand, my cousin had a big wedding at a Miami Beach hotel. I know that they spent $5000 on the band. Wierd to think that that could be the down payment on a house.
Best of luck.
--durangodave
Gosh... have you ever thought about just taking a weekend over to Vegas?
Just kidding.. but sounds like this is turning into a stressful nightmare.
Bright blessings~
Turtle--
Frequently, but not seriously. Part of our joy in this is to be able to share our joy with a number of our closest friends and family. And, let's face it, I don't wait well. At least it gives me something to fill my time until Pete finishes his classes.
Vegas is more like the punchline to my complaints about the planning. Whenever things get too absurd, one of us says, "We could always elope to Vegas," and we laugh a little and try to re-focus on why we want to have a celebration, instead of just standing in front of a justice of the peace.
So, speaking from experience, our wedding was about $3000 to $4000. My parents and Cat's parents split the costs for us, so I think Cat and I didn't really pay much ourselves from or own pockets. Not that we could have afforded to.
For that price, we had a minister, the wedding license, and the reception and clothing and dinner. We had the wedding ceremony done out at a botanical garden, so that was free.
If you want to cut down costs, have the reception at the house of one of the wedding attendants, like the best man or maid of honour, or at your own home. Sure, you pay for food, but you're not shelling out thousands for the reception.
Now, the wedding suite, don't miss that. Cat and I had it paid for with the reception, and it was so nice, we're discussing going to one again, just for that experience.
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