Very important note to Americans

I hadn't thought this could possibly be a problem until the day I was watching some bit of movie with my parents and discovered they'd never heard the word "snog." They inferred it from context, but seemed to be very amused that there was this slang term for kissing they hadn't heard, before.

So, as a public service to all my fellow USans, please note the following very important fact:

Snogging is not shagging. And vice versa.

Of all the mangled speech patterns . . .

Whose fault is it that I say "funnier than snot?" I know this doesn't come from my family. Maybe it's kenilyn's fault. Well, unless you consider it my fault that I find other people's speech patterns contagious.

Why the hell is snot funny, anyway?

Quote of the Week

"Farscape episodes can be boiled down to Problem-Much Bigger Problem-Frelling Ridiculously Big Problem. Unless they fall under the formula Problem-Great Sex-Psychedelic Episode-Heartbreaking Tragedy. Actually, Farscape never seemed to follow any formula."

--Jeanne Cavelos

Found 'em!

In the pockets of my raincoat. Rites does some strange things to the standard operating locations of some of my gear.

Mind you, it's not as bad as the time I had to go out and buy a new corkscrew. The old one eventually turned up in the left breast pocket of my old bomber jacket.

There is a rightness to this . . .

You are the World

Completion, Good Reward.

The World is the final card of the Major Arcana, and as such represents saturnian energies, time, and completion.

The World card pictures a dancer in a Yoni (sometimes made of laurel leaves). The Yoni symbolizes the great Mother, the cervix through which everything is born, and also the doorway to the next life after death. It is indicative of a complete circle. Everything is finally coming together, successfully and at last. You will get that Ph.D. you've been working for years to complete, graduate at long last, marry after a long engagement, or finish that huge project. This card is not for little ends, but for big ones, important ones, ones that come with well earned cheers and acknowledgements. Your hard work, knowledge, wisdom, patience, etc, will absolutely pay-off; you've done everything right.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Though, I admit, I was half-expecting the fuck-you card.

Packing Blues

Packing for five days in Estes Park. Thanksgiving with Pete's family. Generally, I could fit five days of clothes in my duffle bag with room to spare. The catch is, it isn't just clothes. I have Christmas presents, one of which is rather bulky. And we may go snowshoeing. And it's currently 28F there, which is 17F with the wind chill. Based on these two bits of information, I decided that I really do need all three of my layering coats. (I could almost leave my barn coat behind, but it's the only one that completely covers my ass, which is important in wind).

Five days. Three pairs of shoes. Being a girl sometimes makes no fucking sense.

I found one glove and the headband I wasn't looking for. Typically, I should have a pair of gloves in one pocket of my heavy coat and a good headband in the other. Since I don't, I'm trying to figure out where they've gone. Obviously, they went together. Perhaps they've eloped.

I may ignore my cardinal rule of packing: Everything must fit without the expansion panel on the way out, so that if will fit with the expansion panel on the way back. But once I shed that Christmas present, everything will fit better. And I can carry a coat on the way back if I have to. (Hell, by the look of the forecast, I'll be wearing something heavy until I get into the airport, anyhow).

The whole gloves-and-headband thing makes me feel all discombobulated. I have a Spaz Kitty song in my head right now, "Tuff's Song," all about someone who just can't get his shit together. Must've had a good time 'cause he doesn't remember how he got here, and he can't find his shoe, and his pants don't fit . . . You'd probably have a Quote of the Week from it, if I'd been able to find the lyrics online.

At least my pants fit.

Quote of the Week

"I try not to be judgemental of alien cultures when they are dressed like that."

--Captain John Sheridan, in Babylon 5

*insert choking noise here*

I blame Google roulette and finally getting to start The Half-Blood Prince. Results are included purely so I can share the quiz author's comment: "The popularity of the quiz thoroughly frightens me. ^.~"

Quote of the Week

"Optimists believe we live in the best of all possible worlds. Pessimists are afraid they're right."

--source unknown

One Foot, Two Foot, Red Foot, Black-and-Blue Foot

I have happy feet. I broke down and bought new socks. And not just any new socks. They're actually a women's hiking socks, with padding in special places and a deep heel cup and some other nifty engineering. All of a sudden, all my shoes fit better.

Roxann, on the other hand, does not have happy feet. She reported kicking a wall this morning at home and having her toe bent out at a really funny angle. She bent it back, came in to work, and then expected us not to argue that she ought to have it x-rayed. I mean, come on--if you fracture a toe, that's one thing. You tape it to the toe next to it. If you bend it out at some funny angle, though, there's no guarantee the joint is in right or that any break is properly aligned when you put it back.

After about an hour or arguing, Mark and I got her to go in to urgent care. They did indeed have her x-rayed. They were, in fact, worried that she'd broken something in the knuckles of the foot where the toe attaches, instead of or in addition to the toe, itself. And she hadn't even planned to go in to the doctor. Because it was just her little toe.

And sure enough, when the results were in, they found a confirmed break and want to cast it. Break of what? They didn't say, yet, but they're sending her to a specialist (she wasn't sure if it was an orthopoedist or a podietrist. An orthopoedic podietrst, maybe?), which pretty well tells us it's up into the joint or the foot itself. She's scheduled for tomorrow morning--the nurse told her not to run any marathons between now and then. I've promised to bring her a pair of crutches (I have so many spares, it's not even funny). If she doesn't need them, I can always take them home.

Mark and I are trying not to say "I told you so." Or, at least, I am. I guess I don't know how hard Mark is trying, based on his failure rate.

Partisan Polarities

I noticed two disturbing trends while going through the propositions on this year's ballot: splitting the issue and over-legislating.

Splitting the issue is what I'd call it when two propositions on the same issue, both with slightly different solutions, end up on that ballot at the same time. The problem is, so many people haven't figured out, yet, that you can vote "yes" to both. The "no" voters don't seem to have this problem. We get into this American binary-think thing, where you can only have one or the other, and 49% of people vote yes on one and 49% of people vote yess on the other and 2% of people vote no on both, and that's all she wrote.

Over-legislating is all I can think to call it when you attempt to introduce legislation to make illegal something that is already illegal. If it's illegal for two adults of the same sex to get married, how can you say you've put a proposition on the ballot to ban gay marriage? If committing a felony is already illegal, why should it be more illegal for one group of people than another?

I think these are opposite sides of the same coin. The funny thing is, from what I've noticed, Democrats tend to be responsible for the splitting and Republicans for the over-legislating. This always makes me wonder. I thought Republicans were supposed to be for less government. And when are Democrats finally going to learn to do math?

Heard in the Office

"What is, 'We're tired and beginning to make mistakes.' I'll take 'reasons to go home' for $500, Alex!"

(I'm afraid this one's mine. My answer wasn't quite correctly in the form of the question. Fortunately, the two people in question were so tired they broke, laughing, instead of picking on my syntax).

Western Stage English

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
The West
The Inland North
Boston
North Central
The Northeast
The South
Philadelphia
What American accent do you have? Take More Quizzes

But in Spanish, I sound like I'm from Tucson.

"Homework. Homework. Homework. Yuck!"

I finished my homework. The mail-in ballot which I can no longer mail in has been filled out. Thank the gods. I'm so tired dodging mud-slinging commercials and being unable to see around campaign signs.

Starting Wednesday, I want my radio back.

Speaking of campaign signs, my favorite campaign to watch has been the current governor of Arizona's signs. They just say, "Janet 2006." I live in a state that feels like it's on a first-name basis with its governor. In a good way. I'm unreasonably tickled by this.

Quote of the Week

"She grew boobs and fell over."

--Brenda Tarket

Random Stuff on a Saturday

Today started with the Democratic Party calling to see if I'd mailed in my ballot, yet, and since I haven't, to advise me that I'd have to walk it into a polling place. And to tell me where my polling place is. (I already knew this, thank you). And I'm not even a registered Democrat.

Filling out the ballot is one of today's projects. Wrapping Christmas presents is another.

I ordered glasses, as this pair is on its last legs. And I took a big box of clothes to Twice as Nice. The good news is, I got $45 in credit which will be nice the next time I need jeans. The bad news is, mostly they took the jewelry and left the clothes. I feel vaguely insulted that my fashion sense isn't popular enough to be worth re-selling. Maybe it's just the wrong season--most of that size is summer wear. You wouldn't think this was an issue in Tucson, Arizona, but people all around me are starting to put on coats for the winter.

And I still have to do something with the big box of clothes, dammit. I left some of the stuff for Goodwill, but . . . it would really annoy me to to have to donate two good suits, a pleather skirt, Venezia jeans, and some of the other pieces to Goodwill. And they didn't want my favorite sweater dress. Does nobody else have an hourglass figure anymore? (Don't answer that). Anybody have a mother or a sister that wears a size 14, 16, or XL?

I've been wondering if I want a Christas tree this year. I wonder if I could find a place to put it where the cats wouldn't climb it. Phil, the philodendren that ate Cleaveland, is already occupying most of the half-wall. Fortunately, the kitties have decided he's a jungle, not a litterbox.

On Driving

I have a request to make to drivers of the world at large:

If you're in a Hummer, please don't drive like you're in a 15-year-old Honda Civic. Thank you.

Using words people can understand . . .

One of the interesting challenges of my job is getting my end-users to understand that we make rules and require actions for a reason, not just out of paranoia. Sometimes, this involves putting the problem in laymen's terms. Sometimes, a more emotional appeal is required. Here's this week's effort (names removed to protect the guilty):

Good morning! You're receiving this message because my records indicate you have a [make and model] laptop and you have not yet sent us the battery ID. We need you, please, to follow the instructions [ . . . ] and reply with the resulting code by the end of business on FRIDAY. This is a very important step in the process of making sure your laptop doesn't catch fire.

If you need assistance, please call the help desk at [phone number]. We'll be happy to help you find this information.

If we don't have this information by the end of Friday, we will begin calling all remaining laptop users, individually. Because we really don't want your computer, you, or any location your computer may be in (car, home, office) to catch fire.

--your friendly neighborhood IT (not Fire) Department